Do you guys know what a red flag is when it comes to friendships or relationships? For me, a huge red flag is when someone likes cats. Or a big red flag… when someone is an Astros fan. What about pineapple on pizza? Or for you Marvel fans, leaving a Marvel movie before the end of the credits can be a big red flag!
These red flags are funny, but you get the point, right? Red flags are warning signs of a deeper, more serious problem. Since we’ve been talking about dating and relationships the last couple of weeks, I wanted to talk about some serious red flags you need to avoid if you don’t want to end up hurt.
Sadly, a lot of us here have seen the pain a bad relationship can bring to those you love. You’ve watched as your parents fought, maybe even got divorced, and that turned everyone’s world upside down. We don’t want to make the same mistakes that other people make. If you are smart, you want to love others the way God calls us to love others and you want that kind of love in a future marriage as well.
We want a love that is patient and kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
We don’t want to be with someone who refuses to forgive. We don’t want to be with someone who goes out of their way to be rude or someone who constantly wants to argue with us. Those are huge red flags. And dating someone like that will leave you with some serious wounds.
I remember a time when I had to be patient and kind. I was 8 years old, and things were getting serious. We had been dating for several….days….and things were heating up. Except, I was getting really tired of the relationship, and decided to call things off. Until, she brought a candy bar to church, and our love rekindled. Everything changed, all of a sudden I was willing to put up with our frustrating, very confused 8-year-old relationship again. I’ll be honest, that is the opposite of being patient and kind with someone.
True patience and kindness in a relationship demands nothing from the other person except their love, and when it demands anything else...Well, that’s a red flag.
Or what about the things God’s Word tells us love isn’t?
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Red flag.
We’ve all been guilty of getting mad over something completely worthless. Everyone in a serious relationship has had “that” fight over nothing. But the Bible says love isn’t easily angered. Remember in week two of this series, we said true love isn’t self-seeking or arrogant? When everything is about me, myself, and I, it can be very challenging to leave room for anyone else. That is another red flag.
A God-honoring relationship is about what you can give, not what you can get. It’s caring about that person more than you care about yourself. It’s listening to them when all you want to do is talk. It’s talking to God first when you are upset before you talk to the other person.
Look at verse 6, which says, “ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
ALWAYS. Think about that word. Always… that means no matter what and forever. Love is a long-term investment and it looks out for the other person, always. Love isn’t for our entertainment. It’s not just for our benefit. It’s actually for the benefit of the other person. It’s a big deal to God, and so it should be a big deal to us, always.
Long before you ever date anyone, you should start by showing love to your family and friends. Can they trust you? Do you protect them with your actions AND your words? If you can’t do it now with those people, you won’t be ready for a real and God-honoring relationship with a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
Our talk today makes me think of a story of two people who built a relationship on being kind, patient, and not focused on being self-seeking which led to them doing something amazing.
There was a young man named Patrick, but everyone at summer camp called him “Beans.” Beans loved his nickname because this group finally allowed him to fit in, which he usually struggled with since he had autism. Beans dreaded the annual dorm battles that were coming up at camp because he could never seem to compete. Well, the last day came and everything was on the line. Beans paired up with the leader of his dorm, Alex. It was a race from start to finish that required two teammates to both hold a piece of pipe, and smash a tennis ball between the two pipes as they sprinted around the obstacles. Also, one teammate was blindfolded and of course, you couldn’t let the tennis ball drop.
It was Bean’s turn to be blindfolded, and honestly, no one thought Beans understood the game fully, much less that he could compete. Alex saw things differently. He approached the situation with patience and kindness, he didn’t let arrogance or his own motives get in the way. He grabbed Beans, explained the rules, and they started the race. Beans and Alex started very slowly, while all the other teams sprinted. One by one each team began to drop like flies, but Alex and Beans were still going. Sure enough, Alex and Beans shocked everyone and ended up winning the race minutes before everyone else. Afterward, Beans went on to lead camps around the country about what it meant to really be loving and display love to others, reaching hundreds of struggling people.
Why did Beans and Alex win? They had to be patient and kind to one another, they couldn’t be arrogant or self-seeking but had to look out for the other person. They didn’t let any red flags get in the way of their teamwork and relationship like so many others had done in the past too. They didn’t let dumb screw-ups or selfish arguments define their communication. The same is true for any of us who want to find a healthy relationship and this is magnified even more when it’s a dating relationship. If we’re not willing to ALWAYS work towards a relationship like this, then ask yourself this question:
Are you willing to take these steps to be in a healthy relationship?
Are you willing to be patient and kind with someone, even when things are challenging?
Will you avoid being easily angered when someone is bothering you?
Will you put someone’s needs above your own?
Are you willing to pursue someone with a long-term mindset?
If you don’t feel totally ready for these challenges, then maybe that is your red flag today. That means right now isn’t the best time to pursue a relationship. If you have only been pursuing someone with a shallow idea of love and dating, and not what God says those things are intended to be; then it’s a good time to grow and develop in your time of singleness. You don’t have to be with someone all the time. The season you’re in right now could be a great time for you to learn and grow into someone ready for something serious. How can we do this? By taking time to grow in our walk with the Lord before anyone else.
I want to challenge you to take 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and read it each day for the next week, and then as you get back into a normal daily time with God, reread this passage once a month or so. The next time you’re considering pursuing someone, challenge yourself to read back over this passage, over your notes from today, and ask yourself are you truly ready? Do you see any red flags in them that would show that they might not be a good person to date? Challenge yourself to be a man or woman worth dating, a man or woman who doesn’t come to a relationship with a bunch of red flags.
©2024 Sagebrush Church
