Forgiveness: Week 2

Do any of you know anyone who is really good at holding grudges? Ok be honest how many of you are the person who holds a grudge? Have you ever seen a couple Tik Tok influencers or music artists who have beef for months, years even, and it's usually over something like who called out who in a 8 second video.

Bitterness will always cause us to miss out on good things. While that is a silly example, I want you to think about the effects bitterness has had on your life for a second. Think of all the times you have held a grudge against a friend who hurt you, and now you don’t talk to that person. Or you hurt them, and even though you tried to make it right. They still held a grudge against you. Maybe you have watched bitterness destroy your family. You watched your parents fight all the time because they couldn’t forgive each other and now you are in the middle of a messy divorce. Or they didn’t get a divorce but they are so hurt and bitter they barely speak to each other.

Maybe you have a bitter grandparent, and they are just miserable to be around. Here is the interesting thing about bitterness. It only makes things worse. Noone has ever said “I am so glad I held a grudge against that person, it really brought me a lot of freedom and joy” Bitterness only brings more pain. If you are not careful it will make you miserable. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to let bitterness control our lives. We don’t have to be known as professional grudge holders.

The antidote to bitterness is forgiveness.

The cure to a grudge, is to let it go, to forgive. That’s what this series has been all about. We have talked about forgiving ourselves, we’ve talked about letting go of any bitterness we may have against God. So today we are going to talk about forgiving those who have hurt us. We are going to compare and contrast the life of someone who is forgiving and merciful vs. the life of someone who can’t let go of a grudge. We are going to decide for ourselves what kind of person we want to be. Let’s start looking at a bitter person

Bitter people are lonely people

Proverbs 17:9 says it like this
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”

This verse tells us that bitterness and unforgiveness, divides friendships. The reality is every single one of us is human and every single one of our friends and family members is a human. Which means, they will make mistakes. People, even the people we love most in the world, will hurt us. If we aren’t willing to forgive them of those flaws we will lose those friendships. Your closest friends aren’t going to be that close to you anymore if all you do is throw their mistakes back in their face.

On top of that when someone new becomes your friend, if all you do is talk about the way other people have hurt you, they are gonna get pretty sick of that friendship pretty quick. I know I would. Nobody wants to be around a bitter person who can’t let go of a grudge.

Imagine dating someone who keeps a list of everything you do wrong. Every time you argue they throw your faults back in your face. They are always grumpy and annoyed with you, giving you the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. Does that sound like a good relationship? No. Bitter people aren’t the kind of people we want to be around, and eventually they drive everyone away. So if you want to become a lonely person without any close loving relationships, by all means keep holding a grudge. Keep not forgiving people.

Bitter people have forgotten what Jesus did for them.

Look at this story Jesus tells in Matthew 18:21-35
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt 26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. 28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

When God sent Jesus to live on this earth, die on the cross, and rise from the grave, he paid the cost of our sins. The Bible says the cost of our sins is death. We deserved to die. But because of what Jesus did, we don’t owe anything anymore. Our sins have been forgiven. How can we, knowing what Christ did for us, continue to hold grudges against the people who hurt us. We cannot come to church and thank God for all he has done for us and not do the same for others. That’s taking advantage of the gift God has given you.

Bitter people are miserable.

If you are constantly going around like that servant looking to hold everyone’s debts against them you will become a lonely miserable person. I don’t really want to get to Heaven and try to explain to Jesus why I couldn't forgive other people when he forgave me for putting him on the cross. I could go on and on about bitter people and all the reasons you don’t want to be one. But I think you get the point. Let’s talk about why forgiveness is so much better.

A forgiving person has healthy, loving relationships

You know my favorite people to be around? Forgiving people. People who aren’t holding a grudge against me for what I did last year. People who have grace for my mistakes. People who don’t expect me to be perfect, but they forgive me the way Christ forgave me. The best friendships I have are the ones where we are able to talk about our mistakes and forgive each others

Let’s go back to Proverbs 17:9,
"Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends"

Do you notice how this verse doesn’t say “Love prospers when no one makes a mistake.” because the reality is people are going to hurt you. Good relationships aren’t built on perfect people never hurting each other. They are built on imperfect people learning to forgive each other’s faults. So, you want good healthy friendships and relationships? Then start forgiving. If you have a grudge against someone, talk to them, work it out and start forgiving them.

Colossians 3:13-14 says it like this
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

If you want perfect harmony. If you want to love people like Jesus loved people. Start here. Start by showing forgiveness to everyone that you can. When someone hurts you remember that they aren’t perfect and you can have mercy on them like Jesus has had on you.

Forgiveness can be hard. Even when we know it’s what we need to do it can be hard to let go of what people have done to us. Here is something I do that helps me.

Write down the situation that hurt you. Write down what happened, who did it, and why it hurt you so much. Then everyday ask God to help you forgive them. Ask God to remind you that they are human and humans make mistakes. Pray that prayer every day and every time you have to interact with that person. Eventually you will realize you have forgiven them. You aren’t angry anymore. You aren’t holding a grudge. Once you get to that point. Tear up the paper and move on. Some situations you will go through this process in no time, others it could take weeks or months. But forgiveness is worth it.

Think about it this way. Your forgiveness might be the thing that leads another person to meet Jesus. It might be the thing that changes their life and their behavior. They might be so moved by your kindness and mercy that they completely change the way they treat people.

They also might not. You could forgive someone and they might not change at all. In fact, they might become even worse. You can’t control how people respond to your forgiveness. But you can control what happens to you. And you have two choices. You can ignore what Jesus did for you, hold a grudge, and slowly over time become a lonely miserable, bitter person. Or you can choose to forgive. Forgive like Jesus forgave you and be free. So which will it be? Forgiveness or bitterness? The choice is yours.